Hi again. I am trying to figure out what to write about tonight. I have so many things to write about. The hardest part is trying to figure out where to start. I wonder if I should try guided writing. Or maybe I can write a list of all of the topics in my head and then just pick from that list. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe style writing.
The last few days have been soooo stressful. There is just so much going on and trying to recover from our trip to Texas isn't helping. Things always seem to be so much harder when I leave and then come back again. I don't know what I am doing right now. I hate making choices. I always feel like no matter what I do I will make the wrong choice.
I can't believe I will be 37 this year. I am not saying that I am getting old or anything. I just think back to when I was 18 and when I was planning my life and think that this is NOT what I had in mind. It's weird though. I kind of feel bad sometimes for not really wanting the life I have. So many people would be happy to be where I am and to have the things that I have.
Don't get me wrong. I am not ungrateful for my blessings. I mean I really have the 'American Dream' life. Nice house, nice car, husband, kids, dogs, cats, you know the works. I am a stay at home mom (which can get pretty boring and lonely). I chose not to work so that I could stay home with my kids and they wouldn't have to be raised by someone other than me and I wouldn't miss any of the good stuff. I hope that doesn't sound assholish to people who didn't have a choice or who chose otherwise because I do not mean it like that and I am not trying to be disrespectful at all.
Sometimes I feel like I wish I would have gotten my Bachelor's Degree though. Now that the kids are in school I could do something with my day. I don't know. I suppose honestly, with the way that my health is that it probably wouldn't work anyway. I hate having the issues that I have with my health. I feel like they hold me back so much. I feel like...ugh I don't know what I feel like.
I think I should stop this post for now. I want to go into my weight issue and my medical issues but I think it would make this post forever long. Actually I know that it would make this post forever long and to be honest I think that it is already long enough. As always, thank you for taking a few minutes out of your busy day to listen to me ramble. It is funny how I trust these thoughts to you (whoever) you are and I can't or don't or won't trust them to the people around me.
I am sorry if it hurts or offends anyone. Really it makes no sense at all anyway since this is public and anyone can read it. Funny how I JUST NOW realized that I am spilling ALL OF THIS and ANYONE can and might read it. Oh well. I suppose that is what it is for right?
TIME TO COME CLEAN!!!
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